Cold hands, warm shart.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
