she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
