just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
