Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
