woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
