He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
