so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
