whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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