I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
