home. puking in laundry basket.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
