i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
