I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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