My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
