haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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