This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
