Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
