You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
