Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
