I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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