Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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