They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
