he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
