is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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