i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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