plz talk dirty to me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
