when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
