hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
