You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
