I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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