Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My pussy is not your playground.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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