HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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