I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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