i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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