At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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