I've blown a few things in my day
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am one with the molecules
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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