Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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