she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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