At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
