that's an acceptable place to lick
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
