I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
