well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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