it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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