the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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