I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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