She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
