Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So vagazzling was a success
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
