oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i out mim tonsoeep
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