I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
