Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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