i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
