You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
