my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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