I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
