just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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