We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
